If you never change your mind, why have one?

Some things never change.

Before Lupus I was indecisive. And Post-diagnosis, I'm still indecisive.

However, as you may have noted I have always wanted to complete a masters after my degree. I studied Film and Media Communication at De Montfort University and graduated in 2014. In the months after my graduation I became ill and was diagnosed with Lupus. I suddenly thought my dreams of continued study was over, temporarily it was. In my mind I knew completing a master would be highly stressful, I would have to leave my current part-time job leaving me with little income, and with no real hope of ever working in the film or media industry due to the jobs of which have long hours and are highly stress-related with little pay.

This doesn't mean I regret my degree, but if I had my lupus diagnosis at an earlier time I may have had to consider another degree subject. 

Even more so, I am proud of what I've achieved even if choices have to be changed. 

I have decided to not continue with a masters and decline offers from University of Birmingham and University of Leicester. 

Instead I have decided to complete a Chartered Institute of Marketing Professional Marketing course. The Level 4 course is equivalent to a Foundation Degree and is very sought after in the media/marketing/business sector. This consists of three modules which are split up to make learning easier. I am excited to start this which may happen sooner than later (January 2016 hopefully!), learning is all that I have known, and its just another step towards finding who I am once again.

You can always achieve, it just takes a little more time and sometimes a change in path. 

The Fashion Crisis of a Lupie

For those of you who know me, or as your going to get to know like most girls I absolutely love fashion - I like trends but I also like quirky fashion. From working at River Island for four years it became apart of my life. I must admit there are times the fashion police have tracked me down but thats all down to discovering who you are and what you can pull off.

Photos through the years before my 2014 flare

When my flare began in October I found myself bound to my PJs. After all they are a lupies best friend. However as I got better I was determined to get up everyday and get dressed even though most days I didn't leave the house. The problem was that nothing fit, my steriods had made me gain three stone and because my kidneys were effected they too made me extremely bloated. Therefore it was back the drawing board. Even know at a healthy 9st 9 I feel frumpy in my clothes, my body has drastically changed and its something I will get used to but it also means...I need a new wardrobe. Your all probably thinking well she thinks shes fat at 9st but when you have been under 7st for a large part of your life you don't know any different. At school I was labelled 'i'd kill to have your body' whereas others would make anorexia comments. However those people don't understand that the dramatic weightloss I had is a symptom of lupus. The weight I've regained is down to my tablets, if you are on or ever have to be on steriods - I am so sorry. Anyways - you'll learn from my blog that I ramble ... alot.

As I tell people lupus is much more than just a medical illness it also effects you physically, psychologically and emotionally. I've had to deal with the fact my body has changed in more ways than one. My feet have become swollen so I can't wear certain shoes, I tend to stick to tshirts and jeans which is very degrading and upsets me as I'd love nothing more than to have the confidence to wear more girly clothing. I rarely paint my nails because my tablets make them break easily and as for make up as seen in my previous post - its painful to wear.

I'm in a fashion crisis and I seriously need some help! My wardrobe is now 2/3s emptier than a year ago and I can't remember the last time I wore my beloved Vivienne Westwood shoes! Does any other lupie feel this way? Has latched on to one pair of jeans just because they are comfortable etc? I hope I'm not alone in this, my fashion mojo is officially lost, someone call google earth!

I'd love to wear the items below but whereas before I would have instantly brought them, now I'm doomed by conscious feelings of how they will fit, what will my body look like, will I be too bloated to wear them?
Honestly... I'm finding it really hard to feel amazing in clothes to the point where I'd rather be in home than go out just because of how I look. I need to adapt to my new body and this will take time I guess for now I carry on the search for my new look until then.....its good old topshop tshirt and jeans!

Lupus Rash - A Make Up Nightmare!

So my video below shows me taking my make up off to reveal my lupus rash... what a pretty site.

It's very hard when you have a rash to wear moisturiser let alone make up. I can only ever wear it for a few hours before my skin becomes really dry and peels off or it irritates it to make my rash even worse. So ladies if you really think A SPOT is your worse nightmare.... you simply have no idea.

 

Basically... my phone is shit and has no storage. But anyway...  I will now show you photos of what happens when I put my steriod cream on my face. I use Clobavate 0.05% w/w Ointment. Do not use this on your face unless your doctor instructs you to. 

 

So as you can see, this isn't a nice aspect of the condition to live with. It's took me alot of strength to upload these images of me because I am fully aware of those who will make fun of this. Oh they must have such a hard life to do that but there's nothing comical about this condition. Make up is apart of a women's routine and when I had my severe flare that was taken away and made me feel less girly - I wore pjs all day, no make up and a top bun - that used to be my usual sunday, but it became my life 7 days a week. Even though it can hurt to wear make up, I do it anyway to grasp a bit of normality.

Lupus and the General Election.... I'm sorry what?

After looking at many, many manifestos to make my final decision about who to vote for I have done a video about how the parties would improve/change our NHS as this is something many of us should consider when living long-term with a chronic illness.

GO VOTE!